Sad eyes

It's been a while... apologies.

Ever had one of those moods where you just hate everyone and everything?

There's no real cause for the anger so there's no aim, it just hits anyone who's in your path.

Of course there are people who deserve the anger, that bully from high school, that boy who broke your heart... but they aren't here right now so these random strangers on the train will have to do.

I don't look angry. I look sad.

I remember the morning after a break up I sat at the kitchen table. Stirring cheerios in my bowl with no appetite to eat it. 

I just started crying. There was no trigger. Noone had said anything I just sat in silent.

My dad who was reading the paper, put it down, got up and gave me a hug.

This was a big deal, he wasn't a hug person and being over 6ft tall it felt like being in the arms of a giant.

It both did and didn't help at the same time.

It didn't stop my heart hurting but for a few seconds I felt safe when I was so fragile.

My mum rushed into the kitchen, doing some dishes, moaning about my three younger brother running riot in the room next door when she turned and looked at me. 

She held me tightly which then made me cry even harder and said

"I wish I could take the pain away"

That is how I feel everyone see's me when I'm like this.

Even when I'm rude to people for being in my way and feel like I'm being the moodiest cow in the world, complete strangers turn and give me that sympathetic smile.

That same look in their eyes that my Mum and Dad had that day.

I guess sometimes even with your bravest moodiest face, you can't hide those sad eyes.

I should probably explain why I'm sad but I'm sure you've already guessed.

I miss my sister.

No matter how much you love someone, it isn't even close to how much you're going to miss them when they're gone...

and I loved my sister a hell of a lot.