My List

I realise we're a bit far from New Year so it's a bit early to start New Years resolutions that let's be honest I'm not going to keep so instead I'm going to write a list of goals I'm going to do from RIGHT NOW.

Yeah I could of waited for a bit more of a memorable time than the 29th November but oh well effort to wait another whole day.

Anyway lets get the ball rolling,

1, Laugh more

Sometimes you're going to feel sad, it's inevitable so make the most when something makes you smile or laugh.

2. Stop over thinking

Things happen that you can't change, can't justify. Take a deep breath and move on.

3. Tell my family I love them more

Yes they're annoying and super weird but so are you, I think it's in the genes. 

4. Generally tell people I love them more.

I mean friends here don't become one of those people offering free hugs on the street

5. Stop taking for granted what you have.

You're lucky. Really you are,

6. Go on more dates 

(With the boyfriend not just random men)

7. Get outside more!

Whilst the lab and bar are both warm there isn't a lot of nature in there.

8. Be content with your body 

because plastic surgery is painful and let's be honest you'll never be able to afford it

9. Look after yourself.

You're not a super hero so eat your veg.

10. Don't give up.

Life's hard but you can do this.

Blog love

xxxx

Seeing you again

We've all been in that situation where a face from the past shows up when your least expecting it.

Mine has a bit more too it because this wasn't just your usual break up.

This was the "man" who broke up with me over facebook when my sister was dying in intensive care.

Yes, there really are people like that. 

So anyway seeing him for the first time was a shock to the system, it was like a flash back to that exact moment where everything in my life was falling apart.

I was scared to see him, frozen in shock, waited for him to leave so I could finally breathe again.

I realise I have nothing to hide from I just wasn't expecting to feel that gut wrenching pain at that second. 

Luckily I was surrounded by people who loved me, my work family. So whilst I wanted to hide and cry they put their arms around me and told me I'll be ok.

Fast forward a week to when I see him again, casually walking past me with a girl to then walk past to where they were originally sitting. Pathetic right?

So as I watched them be all over each other (over the top all over) I couldn't help but smile.

In that moment you proved what a low person you are, instead of the decent thing any other person would do of apologising you choose to try hurt me more.

It didn't work. 

The honest truth is I have someone who truly loves me and a happy life I wouldn't have with you.

I am not the same girl I was back then and I am so grateful for that.

What I'm trying to say is Thank you. 

I'm not scared anymore.

Fearless

I'm not scared of dying. 

I realise that is quite a morbid thing to say and certainly a strange way to start a post; but it's true.

Not that I intend on dying in the near future it's just a odd feeling.

Liberating in fact.

Dying is an inevitable darkness that brings fear into the hearts of billions; but not me.

I'm not religious, I'm a scientist and base most of my beliefs on facts and evidence.

I don't think there's a heaven in the sky or a hell beneath the earth. 

I have a different theory. One you can feel free to laugh at and choose to ignore.

All living organisms have energy.

Energy can't be created or destroyed.

I believe that when we die our energy is released from our bodies. 

What it does from here I don't know but I hope that it would be reunited with the energy from lost and present loved ones.

My energy will be with my little sister and be close to ones I love.

That's why I'm not afraid of dying and why I'm not afraid of being alone; because I'm not alone and I never will be.

Silver lining of a tragic story and at the end of the day it's made me fearless.