I thought I wanted to fall in love

I thought I wanted to fall in love,

I don't think that's true anymore,

It's like when you go diving, as you go deeper in the water you have to equalize but you can't force it, if you force it you can permanently damage your ears and not be able to dive again.

I tried to force falling in love and now I don't know if I can do it again.

Pathetic right? 

I was recently a victim of a sexual assault, 

Ever since then things have changed, I've changed to be more exact.

The words I used to dream of hearing were "You're beautiful" and "I love you"

Now the words I need to hear are "I will never hurt you"

and by that I mean physically hurt me, I shouldn't have to hear those words, I should be able to trust in the goodness of humanity that I am safe but that trust has been broken,

So now I don't want someone to hold me at night, in fact I don't want anyone to touch me.

I don't want someone to hold my hand.

I don't want someone to buy me flowers.

I don't want gifts or fancy dates.

All I want, all I need, is to not feel broken anymore.

Something so simple yet so hard to achieve.

Someone can't fix me; I have to be my own saviour in this story.