How to dance in the rain

Please don't be mislead by this title- this is not a dance tutorial.

For the first time in years I feel happy. Truly happy.

Now I realise this may come as quite a shock as I seem to write most of my blog posts when I'm feeling sad- an outlet for my grief however I thought I'd mix it up a bit.

2013 was the worst year of my life- no exaggeration. .

The stress of family separation, the break down of my first long term relationship, followed by the serious illness and death of my sister. Plus to top it all off having to retake a university year not knowing anyone.

That's a lot for the heart to handle. I think it's safe to say I was in pieces, A mess of a person and lost in a world I felt didn't have a place for me.

Trapped in the overwhelming darkness of grief I didn't know how to cope.

But I did. I actually did it. So I thought I'd share with you all my greatest accomplishment, climbing myself out of hell.

Firstly, as you've probably heard from a million people, Time is a great healer but you can't have that on it's own. You need support. You need (as lame as this is going to sound) love.

Sometimes especially if you're grieving through the loss of a family member support is going to be hard to find as everyone else is in pieces too.

You have to be your own saviour.

As hard as it is to hear, you only have yourself.

SO BE SELFISH. Look after yourself. Don't put up with things you don't deserve or people in your life who don't deserve you. 

This includes family. I'm not saying cut out your little brother because he put a spider in your room. I mean sometimes people cause more harm than good and whilst blood is thicker than water it still needs a heart to pump it round your body. 

You can find family in the friends that are there for you.

Next set up things for future you. Right now you probably feel pretty useless however you in six months time may be ready to face the world sooooo apply for jobs, internships, experience etc book a holiday! or sky diving whatever you feel is best. Trust me future you will be so grateful. 

Find people who love you (They're out there). Not just anyone, don't jump into bed with the first person to give you attention.

Be cautious with your heart, you've been through enough pain you don't want to have anymore hurt. 

Find a good person, who makes you happy, who is brave and would stick by your side in your darkest hour because that's what you need. 

A true friend who loves you for who you are and is so proud to be part of your life.

It took me a while but I've found some amazing friends who have helped me finally feel like myself again (Tori, Emma and Rosie I honestly cannot thank you enough). 

I also fell in love again, something I didn't think I'd be able to do after how much my heart had been beaten. 

It took a long time don't get me wrong, ask him about it- I was an absolute pain he did so much chasing but I finally put my wall down and I have never felt so loved and protected which is what I need.

Once you've been through pain that's what you need, someone who is caring and who treats you right.

It isn't going to be easy in fact it's probably going to be the hardest thing you've ever been through but it's not impossible. 

In your darkness it may just be a spark of hope but it's there, don't give up and I promise you things will get better.