I know

I know you're sad right now so I'm not going to tell you to have a good day because I know that's just not possible.

I know right now you're searching for answers but can't find any and that you see no justification as to why this has happened to you.

I know that smile on your face is fake and that on the inside you feel like each grain of your heart is breaking away piece by piece. 

I know you want to be honest and tell people how you really feel but you don't want to burden anyone with a problem that doesn't have a solution.

I know you have so much guilt and regret that you've buried deep inside you that you can't bare to speak about-it haunts you.

I know this world doesn't make sense to you anymore.

I know you keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare.

I know you keep waiting for the day where you wake up and the pain isn't there.

I know you tell people that summer was a blur but you can remember every single minute of every single day you spent at the hospice.

I know you can remember her body shrink to skin and bones.

I know you can remember the sounds of her crying out in pain.

I know you remember the white coffin with the purple flowers.

I know you can remember standing up in front of all those people and saying goodbye one final time.

I know you are suffering.

The fact you are suffering doesn't make you a burden. It doesn't make you undesirable or unlovable. It doesn't mean you're too much or too sensitive or too needy. 

It makes you human.

Everyone falls apart sometimes and everyone feels overwhelmed by the hand of cards they've been dealt. 

You're going to be irritable, sad and honestly hard to be around but that's ok. No one is easy to be around 100% of the time.

You may be unpleasant and difficult. You may say or do things you don't meant but that isn't all of who you are.

You can be suffering and still be loved.

You can be difficult and still be cared for.

You can be imperfect and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.

So I'm not going to tell you to have a good day. I'm just going to tell you to have a day.

Don't ever stop trying to live.