My Mental Health Disorder

The issue with mental health is it is misunderstood by many people.

There is a lot of judgement and ignorance that cause those diagnosed with a mental illness  choose to keep quiet through this fear of being treated differently.

It's lonely. Isolating.

More people are being diagnosed but less people are talking about it.

I am one of those people; well was. I'm going to try change that.

I was inspired by someone's bravery, they were so honest about something so difficult, it's hard enough dealing with a diagnosis it's a whole other thing to then tell people.

Don't worry I'm not going to push my illness in peoples faces 

I just want to show that I'm not ashamed any more and to explain what the illness is and how it affects the suffers.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder II disorder.

Bipolar is word that many people have heard and I'm sure you've used it in a sentence light-heartedly without a true understanding of the disorder.

It's a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes emotions to be experienced to a higher degree that a person without this disorder would have.

Symptoms

In other words when you are not under any treatment you can experience these extreme moods described as Mania, Hypermania and Major Depression.

Let's start with Mania, this can be described as a perk of the disorder because have these amazing creative ideas, so much energy you can complete tasks quickly, you're really nice to be around, really friendly and out-going. 

The downsides are: you have difficultly sleeping as your thoughts and ideas just race around your head. You also lose touch of reality it's hard to prioritise because your mind is constantly jumping from one idea to the next and over spending to fulfil all these ideas.

When you are in Mania it's like someone has pressed the fast forward button, your mind works at a faster speed than normal. 

Hypermania- This is not as nice. Your mind is still going fast but it makes you anxious. A mix of paranoia, irritability and anxiety. You snap at people, don't feel like yourself and are very self-conscious. There's no real perks and you're not a nice person to be around. It's very isolating.

Major Depression- Depression is a illness many people have experienced at some point in their life, as I've already explained Bi-polar disorder causes emotions to be more intense which is why it's described as Major. I'm not belittling normal depression because if you have been diagnosed with depression it could be classed as major. Major depression is an intense feeling of sadness usually going hand and hand with suicidal thoughts. One in Five patients of Bi polar disorder commit suicide.

That's the disorder in a nutshell of course it different for each individual.

Diagnosis

When it came to getting my diagnosis I didn't think I have bipolar disorder in-fact I didn't know what what wrong with me- I just knew something was wrong.

I tried going to the GP but unfortunately I was told time was a great healer and send me on my way.

As the suicidal thoughts got worse I went to the mental health centre myself and booked my own appointment, by-passing needing a GP referral as I couldn't wait any longer, I needed help and answers.

Living with it

I have to take regular medication which when you first start taking them they have awful side affects but after a few weeks you don't notice them. It takes a while to find your optimal dosage and cocktail of medication but once you've found it, you are in control of your emotions.

The only times it becomes an issue is when you're faced with triggers. Everyone's triggers are different but they're usually things like stress, bereavement and heartbreak. That is when even when on medication you can see those symptoms start to appear again but if you know your own body and know your own emotions and triggers they can be controlled. 

The bottom line is I'm glad I have bi polar, If I didn't I wouldn't be so creative, driven, clever or understanding of other peoples emotions.

Great people in history had Bipolar Disorder:

Edgar Allan Poe,

Vincent van Gogh

Frank Sinatra

Florence Nightingale

Kurt Cobain

Winston Churchill

I guess it's a blessing in disguise and it's made me who I am.

I'm not ashamed anymore.

If anyone has any questions relating to this or want some guidance with your own mental health issues please don't hesitate to contact me.

Blog love

xxx