I hate you. I actually hate you. Whilst I might still serve with a smile it will be given with a side of eye rolling and tutting. Seriously if you've been waiting that long surely you would have decided what you wanted. Stop being a dick.
2. "I can't serve you, you're too drunk" .. "I'm not drunk watch this..*Does some strange thing that in no way proves soberity*"
You're an idiot. Believe me this is for your own good (and mine, I don't fancy getting fired from my job). You'll wake up tomorrow with a killer hangover but in your own bed not in hospital after having your stomach pumped. YOU'RE WELCOME.
3. "Why won't you serve me this absurd drink I made up in my home town?"
I have been a bartender for 3 years, unfortunately learning all the cocktails ever invented isn't something I've had time for, got other things to do. "I'll have a scotch on the rocks with a twist" stop trying to make ice and lemon sound fancy, you're in a student bar time to tone down the posh twat vibe.
4. "Let me pay you with 5ps and place it on the wet bar"
Why can't you count it in your hand like a normal human? Now I have to pick up your wet pennies and re-count it because I don't trust your drunk maths skills. Stop that.
5. "What you're closed? I didn't hear you ring the bell"
We've been shut half an hour, we had a bouncer clear everyone out... where the hell did you come from? I'm taking off the beer nozzles whilst my colleague is wiping down the front bar... does it look like we're open? You're at university, use some common sense. No I will not serve you one last drink, No I won't do you a favour. Get out of ma pub.
6. "I've spilt my drink and want you to make me a new one"
That's not how this works. Your drink does not come with an insurance policy, I cannot replace it due to accidental damage no matter how much you tell me it was full and you'd just bought it. You should be really mad at yourself right now.
RANT OVER.
Luckily I work with awesome people so it's worth it.
Blog love
xxx
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