I always thought the beating heart of happiness was love.
The unconditional love of family but also the intense love of a significant other which pumps happiness through to every fibre of our body.
Of course as previously written the unreciprocated love causes this bitter sweet feeling of both happiness and sorrow.
As their smile not only the reason your heart skips a beat; it is also the cause of the cracks.
Tragically beautiful really.
You see whilst love is beautiful it is also chaotic, playing tricks with your mind causing you to act so irrationally and out of character.
In a sea of people I will always search for his face, regardless of what country I'm in.
The irrational feeling that I couldn't feel fully happy without seeing his eyes.
I've always mocked people on their dependency on other people, couples who can never be apart have always perplexed me, How could you know who you are if you're never apart?
Yet here I was, a pathetic princess awaiting prince charming to break the curse of reality.
That's not me, that has never been me.
What had I become?
Sickened by my own behaviour and wishing there was an "off" switch for feelings because I really didn't have the time or energy to convince the inner Cinderella in rags that there would no be "happily ever after" I stepped onto the frozen lakes.
I had the honour of making the first footsteps in acres of untouched snow, clear blue sky forming the perfect silhouette of the surrounding forest.
That's when I felt it, Something I hadn't felt in what seemed like eternity.
I was unable to control corners of my mouth and began to smile.
"Is this what it's like?"
I thought to myself, still in awe at the beauty that engulfed me.
"This is what it feels like to be happy?"
Unaltered, untainted happiness.
No fear.
No worries.
Just happiness.
This whole time I was searching for someone or something in order to be happy but the ability was with me all along.
Noone else, it was all me.
I just needed to know where to look for it.
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