How did he manage to contact me? I blocked his number, is the first thing that goes through my head,
Followed quickly by the assumption he's going to threaten to kill himself, something he has done in the past to get me back in his life.
I understand I know what I have to do. I'm sorry.
My fear has been confirmed, whilst I know I should ignore him, I know I shouldn't reply, he has done this so many times before and is just a way to manipulate me- to claw me back in,
What if he's serious this time?
What if I could have stopped him? I could never handle that guilt.
This is a man (although that may be the wrong word) who tortured me for almost a year, who made me forget who I truly was, who's poison sunk to my very core making me a shell of the strong person I once was.
Why would I even give him the time of day, let alone help him?
That is a good question.
I guess whilst he broke me in ways I could never be able to describe in mere words, I am not him.
I am not cruel nor evil and whilst I do not encourage his behaviour I could never turn my back on someone who needed help, not even my worst enemy.
What is wrong?
I just can't do it anymore Amy, I've tried to get better, I've tried to stop the paranoia and nastiness that drove you away but I can't. I've pushed everyone away the same way I did you and now I have noone, I am a bad person who shouldn't be alive, so much so I've made plans to end my life.
Don't do anything.
I desperately searched through my phone for his parents number with no luck. He had made me delete them in front of him last time he was abusive as I had tried to contact them for help.
I have to do this Amy, I know what I have to do.
I was in Essex and he was in Kent, I wouldn't be able to reach him in time even if I wanted to, although that was the last thing I wanted to do, I didn't want to see him ever again but I couldn't just let him kill himself.
Where are you?
I'm at a train station.
Now things are serious, if he was going to jump in front of a train I really didn't have a lot of time.
What train station?
Stay there I will meet you.
Don't do anything I will be there just tell me where you are.
Maidstone West.
I tried ringing 999 but directed me to Essex police which was no use to me they told me to dial 101 and ask for Kent but after being on for 5 minutes I knew that was going to take too long. I did what any grown adult would do... I rang my mum.
"Mum, I need you to do something for me"
"Amy, what's wrong?"
"I can't explain right now, I need you to dial 999 and tell the police ***** is at Maidstone West station and suicidal"
"Amy this isn't your problem anymore he shouldn't be contacting you"
"Please"
"You know whatever happens Amy this isn't your fault, you've done everything you can do"
I feel a lump in my throat as the true seriousness of the situation finally dawned on me. I continued to tell him to wait for me at the station until I got the call saying the police are with him and he's been taken to hospital.
Later on I recieved a call from his Dad explaining he had spent the whole day with him and he seemed fine, he certainly wasn't all on his own.
It was clear this was a stunt to try get me back in his life and although it is infuriating that someone could do something like that, to emotionally black mail you in such a horrible way I still wouldn't have acted any different/
He needed help and now he has it.
I am no in the process of changing my number so this doesn't happen again and as much as I despise him as a human, I have no regrets.
I am everything he isn't and I will never refuse help someone who needs me.
No matter how difficult it may be.
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I would also like to take this moment to thank Tori, Matthew and Tom who's support last night allowed me to be strong enough to deal with the situation correctly. You beautiful people.
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