I'm sat in a church with best friend Rosie on one side holding my hand and an empty seat next to me for my older brother.
He along with my Dad and Granddad carry this small white coffin and place it at the front of the church.
Even as I sit there surrounded by all my loved ones, a room filled with red eyes and brave faces. It still doesn't seem real.
My older brother turns after placing down the coffin and breaks down into tears. It had taken all the strength he had to carry that small coffin because inside was our little sister.
He sits down beside me, I grab his hand and smile. He tries to compose himself but he can't, I mean who could?
You spend your whole life easing into the concept of death, the elderly members of your family pass on and you can get your head around that. They had lived a good life and their time had come.
When your little sister dies.
How can you make sense of that?
I try to stare at the ceiling to try and control the floods of tears but my eyes are constantly drawn to her photo at the front.
That angel like pose. I mean she was no angel but it was the Charlotte I knew before she got so ill.
My mother stands up to speak. I'd heard her speech a few times as she'd practiced reading it to me leading up to the funeral, even so I listened intently. It broke my heart hearing her voice choke and the pauses where she'd have to catch her breath.
My mum talked about the moment Charlotte was born, her growing up, her likes and dislikes. It was a basic overview of her whole short life put into beautiful yet heartbreaking words.
Before I had time to wipe the tears from my eyes it was my turn.
I took a deep breath and made my way up to the stage followed by my childhood friend Nicole who had grew up with our family.
I lay down the paper I was going to read and looked up to the crowd.
I tried to get the words out but I just couldn't.
It was just so hard.
The reverend held my hand tightly and my childhood friend put her arm around me. I took a quick glance at the photo of my sister on the coffin, held my head up and said these words:
"When you lose a parent
You lose your past
When you lose a spouse
You lose your present
When you lose a child
You lose your future
When you lose a sibling
You lose all three.
A week ago today I lost my little sister, Charlotte and it breaks my heart that I couldn't protect her from all
the pain and suffering.
I am not going to lie and say we had a perfect relationship because we didn't. We'd annoy eachother
sometimes even acted like we hated each other but one thing never change. We always loved each other.
I miss her. I miss talking to her about boys. I miss doing her hair for her. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh.
I miss planning the future with her. We'd say that when she'd get married how I'd be maid of honour in a
long purple dress and how when we both had children we'd go on holiday together every year to turkey or
Florida.
It is so hard imagining a future now, to have to wake up every morning into a world without my little sister
but I will.
Already now I feel her strength and courage helping me make it through the day. That is how I know I can
make it through this because she is always with me. Whenever I need to be brave she gives me the strength
to do so.
I believe our bond was so strong that even though she is gone she is still with me. I never have to worry
about being alone or scared because she'll always be by my side.
She was a true inspiration and it was a privilege to be her big sister."
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