Part 4 (Back to University)

I was back at University.

It was very surreal. It felt like a completely different world to the Summer I left behind.

I felt completely different to the girl who was here just a year ago. 

I didn't really know anyone but that's the great thing about uni. You can make friends so quickly. 

It was nice in a way. They didn't know the person I was before.

They only knew the person I'd grown into. 

They didn't know what my summer had been like, they didn't know about my sister and even if it was for just an hour or so at work: I felt like a typical girl at uni.

I was lucky that I had things set up so I could keep myself busy.

I was a Resident Support Assistant so had to do lots of training and met some incredible people who I instantly got along with.

I had a bar job at the university that I loved and still love. The people there were like a family to me and I knew even if it was for just a few hours I would laugh, smile and even just for a second forget the reason why my heart ached so much.

I studied an awesome course (which I'm sure you already know from my blog name) and had my first practical. I didn't know anyone on my course so tried to be as happy and as outgoing as I could be (believe it or not I'm actually quite shy). It was the 10th October and there I was in not so sunny England collected samples of mud. That's right mud. Not the greatest thing to get enthusiastic about but I had fun and laughed a lot.

We got back to the lab and I was still super cheerful even though all we were doing was looking through mud samples. Then I felt my heart sank and the smile drained from my face. I figured it was just a mood swing and finished up the lab quickly and headed home.

I got home and just sat at the computer. Not doing anything, not really thinking anything, something just wasn't right.

There was a knock at the door.

I figured it was a cleaner or one of my house mates.

I opened the door and there stood my senior tutor.

I froze. I knew what this meant and the first sentence I could bring myself to say was:

"Oh shit"

"I'm sorry, You lost her at around 4.30 today, I don't really know what to say but I can offer you a hug"

It was strange. I'd thought about this moment before in my head.

I thought I break down and cry. Cower down into the foetal position but I didn't.

There was just nothing.

A numbness.

It was almost like the pain was so much that my body just didn't know how to cope.

Even though I knew this day was coming I was still in so much shock.

I felt empty.

It was as if when her soul had left it had taken part of mine with it, I was left with this gaping whole in my heart. 

This memory still haunts me, like a nightmare I'm still trying to wake up from.

I will never forgot how lost and empty I felt, when my world fell apart.