I am not scared by the nightmares of ghosts, monsters and demons.

I'm struggling with some demons at the moment,

Maybe demons aren't quite the right word, 

Wrestling with emotions.

Do you mourn the loss of the person you used to be or embrace the new person you are now?

Let me explain what happened, it's going to sound slightly pathetic but bare with me.

I always hated scary movies, I'd spend the whole time hiding behind the sofa or watching it on mute,

Yup I was one of those people.

My boyfriend at the time convinced me to watch insidious and I couldn't sleep for weeks.

I also wouldn't let anyone take my photo.

Of course this was 3 years ago but still before summer I was still scared of them.

The other day I was a few scary films and whilst they were creepy as hell, I wasn't actually scared.

It really didn't phase me.

Strange right?

There is a difference between watching a movie in the safety of company where you can turn it off, leave the room or mute the volume and being trapped in reality where despite using all your strength, fighting off with everything you have you can't stop it.

That is terrifying.

I have experienced something scarier than any fictitious demon or ghost.

I now know that the real monsters aren't in books or films but are hiding behind the eyes of people you once trusted.

Realising that I have lost that part of me, to now be aware of how fragile I am in real life and struck by a fear that haunts me.

I am not scared by the nightmares of ghosts, monsters and demons.

I am scared by the flashbacks of the man that pinned me down 

and tried to rape me.