Amy Charlotte's blog: I'll keep smiling for you

I am not happy.

That is the honest truth.

I am not in any danger, I am not having an episode but I am depressed.

I am suffering from depression.

People need to be more open about mental illness and when they're suffering.

Now trying to explain this to people is difficult and you get a common response:

"You're just viewing things wrong"

Now anyone who knows me will know that I am a fairly positive person, I mean given everything I still try and be a positive energy.

Yes I may be viewing things differently, with depression I like to describe it as seeing the world in black and white.

There's no colour no brightness.

If I could switch my way of viewing things to happy then I wouldn't be depressed.

Depression doesn't work like that.

It's not a headache that can go away with a pain killer, it's more like a burn that takes time to heal and can leave a scar.

I have tried to make myself happy- sounds strange right?

I've read those self help books.

I've meditated.

I've knitted for god sake KNITTED

Nothing has shaken this overwhelming feeling of sadness.

I'm not giving up I'm just keeping you updated.

I've lost weight, noticeably in my face apparently so my goal is to make sure I eat enough.

When I get depressed I just forget to eat because I sleep lots, and then feel weak because I havent eaten so sleep more- it's a vicious cycle.

Whilst I have been sleeping lots the quality of sleep is awful, constantly fueled with night terrors making my anxiety shoot through the roof.

I'm basically falling apart but the thing about me is I have done this before, it will pass and it will get better.

If I find a cure for sadness I'll let you know and I'll keep you updated.

I am not in any danger or having an episode.

I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder causing depression and anxiety.

Amy Charlotte's blog